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| moving time, my week sucks, and i'll have no mode of contacting the outside world after i get home, and adding o a little more than that he's still not contacting me.... I think I'll cry myself to sleep after my friend gets home tonight.
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| So here are some lyrics from they're comming to take me away by dr. demento... which is how i feel right now, as i await a message from the person most important in my heart right now... but why dies this feel like all those other times? am I doomed? I hope not.. someone told me to give it my all, and so that is what i want to do... but it's difficult. am i stupid or something???
Remember when you ran away
And I got on my knees and begged
You not to leave
Because I'd go berserk?
Well!
You left me anyhow and then
The days got worse and worse
And now you see I've gone
Completely out of my mind.
And
They're coming to take me away, Ha-ha
They're coming to take me away, Ho-ho
Hee-hee-haa-haa
To the funny farm
Where life is beautiful all the time
And I'll be happy to see those
Nice young men in their clean white coats and
They're coming to take me away, ha-ha!
You thought it was a joke
and so you laughed, you laughed,
when I had said that losing you
would make me flip my lid.
Right?
You know you laughed
I heard you laugh
You laughed, you laughed
and laughed and then you left but
Now you know I'm utterly mad
And
They're coming to take me away, ha-ha,
They're coming to take me away, ho-ho,
hee hee, haa haa
To the happy home
With trees and flowers and chirping birds
And basket-weavers who sit and smile
And twiddle their thumbs and toes
And they're coming to take me away, ha-hahaha...
I cooked your food, I cleaned your house,
And this is how you pay me back for
All my kind, unselfish, loving deeds,
Hah?
Well you just wait, they'll find you yet
And when they do they'll put you in the ASPCA you mangey mutt!
And
They're coming to take me away, Ha-ha
They're coming to take me away, Ho-ho
Hee-hee-haa-haa
To the funny farm
Where life is beautiful all the time
And I'll be happy to see those
Nice young men in their clean white coats and
They're coming to take me away, ha-ha!
To the happy home
With trees and flowers and chirping birds
And basket-weavers who sit and smile
And twiddle their thumbs and toes
And they're coming to take me away, ha-hahaha...
To the funny farm
Where life is beautiful all the time
And I'll be happy to see.....
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| that's what i feel like i have now.. might not have internet for a bit, which sucks huge monkey balls, but what can you do?
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| So, I haven't been able to sleep lately, which is pretty bad i guess, um, I've also felt like less of myself, like somehow there;s something missing and I'm just not me anymore. Oh and I totally give up. I really wanted to pursue art and draw a comic and stuff like that, but my confidence in my own skills keeps getting weaker and weaker. It's like I don't have faith in anything that I do right now. I'm more easily intimidated than I let people on to, so from being around the people that I'm constantly with all the time I feel fat, ugly, dumb, weak, talentless. Before I never really had these feelings, and became very comfortable with myself. The doubt in my own abilities came during the summer. Seeing something that I can do done better by someone else makes me not love it anymore. It's weird because I feel that my work could never be as good as that person's and it should all be hidden away or burned. I also feel pretty selfish at this moment. Something bad is happening to the people around me that I hold dear and all I can think of is my own pathetic problems. I feel like less of a person. Things in life seemed to be a bit easier for me when I just hid myself away from everyone and everything. The thing I want to do most right now is to just go home for a couple semesters, and do schooling there, but I don't have the courage to go back, so the best I can do now is to just suck it up, grin and bear it.
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| Ionno, things are weird nowadays, and I'm not sure if I'm liking everything. I sometimes wish that things were as if i was younger again, but despite this, i think i can go on alright. I know i can.... i guess that's all i have to say, since this is hardly ever read anyway.
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